4am, 18 Mar 22
Mummy felt something wet. So had to rush to toilet. At this point, nak ke toilet pun takut. But I did told Him, if you're gonna go, make it easier for your Daddy later
6am, 18 Mar 22
Mummy had another cramp. This time, it was truly something. The doctor did remind me, it's gonna be slightly extra from period cramps. I was mentally ready, and should I say, physically ready?
Yes, I always had menstrual cramps and it only lasted for a day.
But this time, from medical pov, it should last between 7 to 14 days until everything cleared from the uterus.
So I waited patiently. But -
Ya Allah. This is another definition of pain. Everything seems so wrong. They say, some will experience contraction-like cramps, and a degree of cramp that is slightly heavier than menstrual.
2pm, 18 Mar 22
Work as usual. I had to take few business calls while having cramps. Oh my! Big mistake. Baring salah, duduk salah.
Then it stopped for a while, so Mummy thought it was over? so I had lunch as usual. Daddy ate later.
4pm, 18 Mar 22
No cramps. I told your Daddy, is this going to last for a week? Holding the cramps is tiring. Tu belum part anxious if something drop or not.
5pm, 18 Mar 22
Another wave. This time. Truly! Wow.
No words to describe it this time. I just sent your Daddy out to get me more pads, just in case. So he's gone for now.
I called your Aunt, so she said it might be the opening. Run to ER if you cannot tahan.
At this point, I already wanting to go to ER once Daddy came back from grocery.
But while waiting, I really cannot sit still. So here we go, skipping and jumping and running until your Daddy comes back.
6pm, 18 Mar 22
Daddy came back from store. He saw me jumping and crying at the same time. So he handed over Ibuprofen (painkiller) cuz I really can't think of anything with this pain. Ya Allah.
Oh wow! Ibuprofen really didn't help much. So I continued the jumping and I squat for a second to feel a gallon of blood coming out.
"Sayang, I think I'm gonna sit in the toilet for a while"
630pm
My water broke. I think? Cuz I can assure you it was not simply pee. It was spontaneous and quick. I simply squat on the floor for about an hour.
Discharge was reddish blood this time. Then I saw a shape of like a foetus, with eyes and a bit of tail at the end. It was too slimy, I called your Dad to pick up.
I had no time to thoroughly look but I believed it was you. I had a strong memory of that.
7pm, 18 Mar 22
I don't feel anything after the first drop. So I rushed back to the room to lie down.
The 2nd wave had just begun. This time, it strokes hard! So again, off we go to the toilet.
Untuk orang yang jarang buat squat, sekali kena cangkung for an hour. Wow!
So I just sat there, on the toilet. Then I heard splash and a "ploop" in the bowl.
Alamak. What's next?
Mummy had to dig it out from there. Yep. This time, a handful of blood. Nampak mcm uri. No joke it smelled so strong. I had no strength to take it further. How it looked like?
Mcm hati ayam, but a lot bigger. Pekat pun sama macam hati ayam, but a fresh one. Bukan yang dah lama tu.
"Sayang, another one. Can u just take it before I accidentally wash it away"
Rasa mcm dah habis. So I called Daddy to clean me up.
While Daddy busy cleaning Mummy, I still sat on the toilet and felt something not right because the pain was never away.
Not long after that - another "ploop" in the bowl.
"Sayang, I think this is the last one"
Again, Mummy scooped it out and gave it to Daddy. This time, it was so meaty. Which come to thought, this is the kantung? My biology knowledge on pregnancy and babies are so washed away down the drain now.
730pm, 18 Mar 22
Believed it was over. A reliefness after almost an hour. The pain was simply gone. Like it was never there.
I have never been so exhausted. Almost passed out.
Daddy continued to clean me up. Frankly? The bathroom looked a lot like a crime scene with splashing of blood everywhere.
It was different if you're on period, cuz it washed away quickly. Tapi yang ni, macam so solid.. it got dried up so fast and it sticked to the floor and the wall like crazy. I just hold on to Daddy this time. Cannot tahan.
I remembered the bleeding continued to flow, but I can't sit and I can't cangkung anymore. I took a different posture by standing. So I just let it bleed through while Daddy is taking his job seriously in cleaning Mummy.
8pm, 18 Mar 22
Mummy all cleaned up. Daddy all tired.
We're waiting for your nurse Aunt to come and probably take us to the Hospital. Cuz both of us were so flat.
We drove to the hospital, rushed to ER. I remembered to close my eyes along the way, with very vague memory of the road.
Masa ni, I felt like.. buatlah apa pun. Clean it up.
Clear everything up. Scan or whatever you want to do.
Daddy was holding my hands so tight, he carried me into ER (decided to go for private hospital) Luckily no waiting patients. Syukur alhamdulillah. Means, me next!
"Puan Nur Najihah"
They checked on blood pressure, oxy level, weight. Took me in a wheelchair. Separa sedar dah masa ni. Rasa mcm jauh nya berjalan but the nurse took me terus ke katil.
Rezeki Allah bagi. Everyone in the room was ladies. Ya Allah leganya hati. Apart of my subconscious mind, I felt like almost passed out. Until the doc came.
"ok puan, boleh bagitahu apa jadi hari ni?"
Here we go. From A to Z.
"Ok kita scan dulu"
"Kalau yg saya tengok, macam dah habis. Dekat monitor pun, tengok dah kosong. Kalau ada lagi yg intact, kita akan nampak few bits intact dekat dinding rahim"
"Oh ya ke? Alhamdulillah"
"Tapi boleh saya buat 2nd test utk confirmkan? Saya akan masuk ikut bawah dan baru kita boleh confirm if complete miscarriage happened"
As a first timer, not something that I look forward to.
"Kalau tak buat?"
"2nd test baru saya boleh confirmkan. Tapi takpe, saya pakai jari boleh?"
"Ohh ok, cuba cek dulu lah"
That was painful too! Means something not right?
OMG! i was being too negative all over again.
But then I felt she hit something yang triggered the pain. So doc tanya lagi
"Boleh pakai tools?"
"Haa OK"
I was firm this time cuz something felt wanting to come out.
(Tools in... And deeply sucked something out if me)
Ouch! Hello. What was that?
"ok the final one. Blood clot"
Yep. There you go. Another bloody scene.
But it was right! That's it. The moment doc tarik that thing out, I felt so relieved. Alhamdulillah. The cramping was off for now.
She told me few things about bleeding can last up to 60 days. Depends on people. but it will be exactly like giving birth. On off je bleeding.
Allow the process to happen. Until your next period.
10pm, 18 Mar 22
Everyone was hungry. But I never wanted bed more.
With such relief, everyone was having burger tepi jalan, while Mummy had bubur mekdi and air mellloooow for the night. It was refreshing and soothing. Everything was over.
Syukur alhamdulillah.
Malam Nisfu Syaaban was a night before. I asked so much and getting so much the day after.
Ya Allah yang Maha Pemurah.
Pantang Day 1.
My dear one,
It's weird but so comfortable to feel in love with you so much. We never met truly in person, but I know Allah had us for a quick test run before the time of your real brothers and sisters.
We could not ask more than what we are given today.
We had good and bad times together. But I will continue to tell you more about it.
I know you are with Him now and I truly hope to meet you some day. I strongly believed you are physically like Mummy cuz your heart is going to be strong and loving like Daddy.
Berjumpa kita nanti, Muhamad.
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